Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!

There’s no delicate way to ease into this blog post so I’m just going to cut to the chase. One of the most popular questions I get asked is how to boost the femal sex drive…most specifically after kids.

There are numerous factors that affect our libido such as stress, medication, breast feeding, level of activity, age, mental health and hormones. Im not going to explain all these as that would make a LONG post but I will go over some less obvious/black and white reasons.


To understand this question it’s important to understand our bodies a little. Our ovaries and adrenal glands release estrogen and testosterone (amongst other hormones) in our bodies (that’s right ladies, we have testosterone and it is SO important). These hormones are released in short bursts or pulses varying by hours or minutes. Of course, our levels of testosterone are much lower than men but it serves as our lusty hormone in both men and women. I’ve researched and researched to answer WHY testosterone plays this role but honestly haven’t found much. Hopefully someone can explain the WHY to me ā¤ Typically around ovulation our bodies give us an extra surge of T which is often why some women feel a little sexier some days šŸ˜‰ Some studies suggest that an increase in testosterone improves muscle and bone density, elevates moods (lowers depression) and boosts energy.

Hormomes After kids:

During pregnancy and post partum our bodies go through huge hormonal changes. We produce increased estrogen which creates an imbalance to testosterone. For nursing moms, the hormone prolactin can suppress ovulation, as well as the production of estrogen and progesterone. As we learned above, a T surge often comes around ovulation..no O, no T surge. All of that combines to make the thought of sex unappealing. Please note, supplementing estrogen (birth control) can decrease your drive by altering your hormones.


High levels of stress produce higher than normal levels of cortisol. This hormone is a libido suppressant. Having a preoccupied mind can also negatively affect your sex drive.

Activity level.

If you’re always tired, uninterested in things, don’t feel good about yourself you’re probably not going to want to…(in an attempt to be polite) you know šŸ˜‰ Most (maybe all) research suggests that improved fitness improves bed room enjoyment. Improved conditioning (strength, flexibility, endurance etc.) from exercise can enhance the experience. This can also improve self image and make us feel a little sexier. Some studies have shown that testosterone levels increase after 8 weeks of weight training in women and 6 weeks in men. Endorphins ‘released’ with exercise are also a mood booster. I focus on strength in the gym which empowers my ass off day to day.

Self Image.

This is such a hard one for so many women. Our bodies change as we age, have kids etc. They change soooo effing much, all the time. I get it. If you’ve had kids ‘naturally’..we all think the same thing about down there. That shits not the same haha. BUT remember, your partner loves you, and you both appreciate everything your body has gone through to have children. If you haven’t had kids… remember your partner loves the shit out of you and your body. Embrace it. If you’re not ready to strip down in the day light, light some candles or turn on some background lighting (we have two salt lamps šŸ‘Œ) and pick out some pjs that make you feel good! While I was pregnant I picked out post partum pj sets with some lace and loose fabric so I could feel good! (I knew my regular sweats and sports bra wouldn’t help me feel my best). Do what YOU need to do to feel a little sexy and HONOUR your body. You’re so strong and your body has done amazing things. Love it and appreciate the journey ā¤

What can we do?

So! There’s no black and white reason to explain where your drive went, but thankfully there are so many ways to give you a boost ā¤

Take a page out of Nike’s book and just do it. Sex is like fitness. You might not love it at first, but the more you do it, the more you want to do it and the more fun you have šŸ˜‰

Tell your partner how you feel. Communication is so important.

Make sure they still feel like a priority. Your partner went from all your attention (or a fraction) to a smaller fraction. Prioritize one on one time with them and share something you mutually enjoy šŸ˜Š

Be spontaneous. The mood will never strike if you wait until bedtime, once everyone is tired and has no energy. Mornings are nice….showers are nice….MAKE TIME NOT EXCUSES. We all get changed at least twice a day.

If you think your hormones are off, ask your health care provider for advice. You can also adjust your lifestyle to ensure you’re getting plenty of sleep, activity and healthy food to balance things out.

Workout with your partner. I really don’t know what could be better than getting sweaty with your best friend….and the endorphins…and the squats… šŸ˜‰šŸ˜‰

Find a hobby or activity that empowers you. You should feel like the badass you are šŸ’Ŗā¤ Make sure you spend time being YOU. Loving yourself is still #1.

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